The Slow Boat to Bohol

There's the fast craft, and there's her cousin the slow boat. An antiquated, rumbling piece of steel painted over so many times, I bet no one even remembers how many layers of paint cover it, much less how many colors. 

The ever insistent porter. He won't leave you alone until you let him carry your bags for you.

However warm the soda is, do not drink the ice. I repeat: DO NOT DRINK THE ICE!

Just before they pull the plank, the conductor announces Fuera visita! Visita fuera! Fuera! Fuera! Fuera! (Get out visitors! Visitors get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!)

The slow boat takes two hours to cross the Strait of Bohol, unlike her modern cousin, the fast craft.

In two hour's time, you can:

1. Stare at the sea until your eyes run out of tears.

2. Take a nap.

3. Scrounge for food in Tita Nida's bags.

4. Meet new friends, like Erlinda. 

Erlinda told me she's originally from Leyte, but now lives in Bohol. "I've lived sa gawas [outside of the country] though."

Curious about where in the world she'd been, I asked where.

"Manila, of course!"

Ah, she meant outside of the Visayas.

5. Take a nap. Oh, did I say that already?

There is plenty of time for naps.

6. Watch the Super Ferry sail to Manila.

7. Watch the Super Ferry pass your antiquated, rumbling piece of slow metal as she sails to Manila.

And when you finally reach Bohol, two hours later, you greet your welcoming party who'd been waiting for you for the last hour because they thought you got on the fast craft. 

They thought wrong.

And then you take the three-wheeled ride home.

And when the welcoming posse asks you "what took you so long?"

You tell them this story:

There was a young man in Cebu, wearing a uniform, and carrying an armalite.

This young man was so nice as to escort us to the boat.

And before we got on the boat, we were greeted by the crew, all dressed in white.

They told us we were so special that they needed to make sure they drove the boat slow to avoid the white caps.

But then Richard opens his big mouth. "Someone thought it would be a good idea to ride the slow boat for old time's sake." All the while, looking at me with disdain.

Someone thought I was so un-cool to insist on taking the slow boat.