My lovely cousin Kayen and her family are going to the Philippines for the first time. Being the methodical planner that she is, she wants it to go as smoothly as possible.
So we've been Facebooking - facebook, a verb, ah modern language - each other about this upcoming trip.
Kayen wrote:
Playing on her anxiousness about this maiden voyage, I replied:
Kayen, here are the step by step instructions in pictures, with helpful tips:
Step 1: check in at the NAIA Domestic Terminal in Manila.
Tip:
there is a 7kg limit on your carry-on bags, and 14kg on your checked luggage. If the agent tells you to check your carry-on, tell her you have very valuable items like a laptop, camera, electric razor, Sonicare, other vibrating devices, etc. And if she insists on checking the bag, threaten her with that vibrating device!!!
Step 2: go to Cebu Port Authority to catch a ferry to Bohol.
Tips:
This is the Pier 1 terminal, where the "new" Bohol Star Craft docks.
Tip:
Don't worry if the armed guards put their hands on your luggage, like they're doing to mine. Their just resting their tired, overworked arms.
They're actually very nice folks who'll gladly strike a pose if you ask.
Tip:
The Star Craft arrives at 3pm, and departs at 3:30pm.
Tip:
There is no such thing as "fall in line" in the Philippines, it's a grab-all, push-your-way-to-the-front way of life there. So sit back, and wait for the chaos to settle before you get in qeue.
Tip:
It's best to stay at the back of the line where no one is pushing and shoving you.
Tip:
If you have large pieces of luggage, the Porter will take it for you for a minimal fee. P40 (forty pesos - that's less than a buck!) is a good bargaining base.
This is why you want the Porter to handle your bags...
Step 3: get on the boat LAST.
Tip:
There are several departures from Cebu. But if you catch a departure after 12pm, make sure you sit on the PORT side of the craft, as you will be heading south, and the scorching afternoon sun will be pouring in on the starboard side.
Hah, if you don't know your nautical terms you better do some homework... or you'll get a sun burn for sure!
Tip:
As I said in my message, purchase ECONOMY passage. Go upstairs for these seats.
Even in Economy, you get ship attendants who sell you snacks and beverages.
Tip:
If you see the captain, tell him "I'm the cousin of the photographer from Panggangan Island", and he'll be sure to whisk you off faster than any ferry commuting between Cebu and Bohol!
Bye-bye Cebu!
This is why you want to sit in Economy. After breathing recycled air on the plane, you'll be glad to be breathing virgin ocean air for a change!
Maybe not state of the art, but at least modern navigation equipment, unlike the rudimentary color coded map with the c-shape route I told you about.
Tip:
If you're crazy like me, and loan the Chief Mate your glasses to cut the glare of the sea, be sure to stay with him so that he doesn't accidentally lose your Oakleys.
Again, they'll gladly pose for you if you ask.
Hello Bohol!!!
This makes the total boat right 1:10 hours long.
Now, if you had taken the Jurassic age ships at Pier 3...
This would be the Economy Section.
If you opted for the canoe, you'd still be in Cebu long after the Star Craft arrived in Bohol.
Unless you get yourself a "pum-boat", which goes faster than the Star Craft. Problem is, you'd have to rent 5 of these little speedsters for all five of you!
And if you opted for the classic outrigger canoe with manual paddling, this is how you will pull onto shore in the Lajog slough, right in front of Lolo's house... eight hours later!!!
But because your smart, and too travel-weary to show off your athletic prowess, you're going to arrive in Bohol in style.
Step 4: Papa B will give you a ride home.
Tip:
There is always a greeting posse to welcome you, so you might end up sitting on the back of the pick-up truck... Don't worry, the roads are paved for the most part.
Or, you might be sardined in the back of the Nissan Patrol, which is a very intimate way to get to know your long lost relatives.
Either way, make a right turn when you get off the Tubigon Pier.
... pass rice fields, after rice fields, after rice fields...
... pass overloaded tricycle commuters...
Step 5 is two-fold:
A) close your eyes, or
B) hang on to your britches...
...when you get on the causeway to Panggangan Island.
...because the causeway is a one-lane road built up with sand and mud. There are one-vehicle turnouts every 100 meters in case you encounter oncoming traffic, which there is a lot of during the weekends, when mountain people come to swim.
Tip:
You'll know your home when you see a half-cast dalmatian at the gate yelping with greetings. His name is "Dalmacio".
Step 6: Breath the clean, fresh air of Bohol, and get ready to do NOTHING!!!
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